Contact: Misc.

In an effort to totally procrastinate getting started on my taxes, I started scrolling through my phone book and editing my contacts. And every once in awhile I actually bother deleting people. For the record, of the 330-some odd contacts I have, I actually CONTACT about 15 (give or take 10) of them on a semi-regular basis.

But in my years of college-induced frat hopping, bar bouncing, shot taking, beer chugging haze I managed to collect a LOT of numbers from a LOT of people whom I just can't seem to identify by the little labels I've given them. It's a familiar system: first name of guy and location where you met him. This works for like, a week, and then you couldn't pick them out of a line up. Unless of course you actually form some sort of relationship with them, in which case proper name identification is advised. For me, this usually takes a year to do because I find it amusing that I'm legit friends with "Brad Dbags" and "Matt O'Malleys".

I don't know why I don't just delete these people. Obviously I'll never contact them, ever. I doubt I ever contacted them in the first place. I think it's more of a nostalgia thing. Like, "Australia Will, I totally remember drinking with him at Bisons on Thursdays. He had a sweet accent." Plus, I love to laugh at the ones who I truly have no memory of meeting.

Some of my personal faves:

• Brian Neighbor (whose neighbor?)
• Chris Navy
• Chris Twin
• David BFF Whitehouse (honestly.)
• Eric AT&T
• Eric Navy (noticing a Navy thing going on here)
• Eric Vegas
• Jared/Braaden (I recall one being hot and one not having a phone, so they became the same person in my book)
• Mike Twin (I can only assume he is Chris Twin's brother?)
• MISSING LINK (this one is from HS!)
• Spooning Jason

ABSOLUTE BEST:

• Kelly Ass Compton. True story. Ben and I met this girl in Scottsdale sprinting from one bar to another just to make it to last call, she wanted to hang out with us, and we ended our night eating pizza with her. Also true, we used to call each other when we were in Old Town to go out and party. WHO AM I.