Mascara Massacre

I'm sure Tristan can totally relate on this topic: Mascara Woes. I use the waterproof variety to avoid these sorts of situations, and yet somehow something always goes awry.

The first issue, sneezing when applying. I'll be damned if I don't go at least one day a week where I don't sneeze uncontrollably during mascara application thus leading to me looking something similar to a dalmatian. How does one solve this problem? Sneeze with your eyes open? Physically impossible, although fun to try. Say the words "peanut butter"? Not scientifically proven and definitely makes me hungry for some peanut butter and bananas on toast. Push that little sneeze relieving nerve under your nose above your lips? Practical, but not probable because you have a mascara wand in your hand, so it's going to end up smeared somewhere on your face.. plus, you're likely too late to catch that thing anyway. The only answer is to let it blow and clean up the splotchy sneeze aftermath. I still haven't figured out the most elegant way of going about doing so.. hm.

Second issue, humidity and precipitation. It is almost impossible to remain sexy when it is over 50% humidity and your mascara melds into your eyeliner and they both start to take a migratory trip down your cheek bones. Unless you are a super model posing for skimpy lingerie, this look is NOT working for you! As I have already mentioned, I wear waterproof. Mainly because I tend to have some oils in my skin that delight in emerging and taking over my makeup, but also because on those rare monsoon filled nights, I refuse to go the way of the cracked out raccoon. The same scenario plays out when in pools and showers. Here is what I have learned: skip the eyeliner, go for the waterproof mascara, and dammit, don't rub your eyes.

My last issue, bedroom eyes. I think this falls in a similar line with the afore mentioned humidity and precipitation problem. Here's how this plays out: you're with your man, you look sexy, you get tossed around, sweat happens, etc etc. Eventually you stumble to the restroom and WHOA! you look like you just got dragged under the bus. While I'm in the moment, I could care less what I look like, but after the fact I hate that at some point I started going from sexy and put together to horrifyingly messy. This one I haven't come up with any solutions to. I am not one to stop in the heat of the moment to say, "hang on, let me go remove my make up". And something tells me no man really cares if your eyes are a little smudgy.. that's not why he's with you.

Sigh. What women go through for long, luscious, full, thick, plump, voluminous lashes. (o;