A Little Help From My Friends

I am slowly learning a very hard lesson: I cannot help anyone who cannot help themselves.

It is either my greatest strength or my greatest weakness to want to help those who need it.

I do not always believe I am right. I do not always (or nearly ever) expect my advice to be taken. I certainly know that as adults, and humans, we come to each other for an ear and a shoulder, but will ultimately make our own decisions based on our own feelings, not what our friends and confidants offer us.

But what I am not understanding, and heaven help me I am trying, is how to let something go that I have no control over. It has been a terrible stress lately, probably taking years off my life, that I can feel regularly weighing on my heart. I know that this person whom I love and care about so much, though  they constantly express sadness, can take care of themselves and find their way out. But for some reason I feel it is my duty to reach in and pull them out of the trenches. Part of it is because this situation has indirectly swept me up in its mess, causing me to be the third party. As such, it weighs heavy on me too. Part of it is because I have a strong spiritual connection to this person, which is inexplicable at the very least, but I feel what they feel, similar to what twins experience (I think?). And part of it is simply because I care and I would feel this way for any other person in my life. It is hard to stand by and watch someone make questionable decisions which negatively affect their life and not be able to do anything about it.

I think one of my (our?) biggest struggles in life is relinquishing control of situations such as this and accepting that life will ultimately work itself out. My sadness and stress don't come from me not being able to make their decisions for them, but from me being unable to open their eyes and ears to what I so clearly hear them saying, but they do not take action on. And telling myself that this person is perfectly capable of making their own decisions and that they will be okay is challenging. And thus the lesson I am painfully learning: I cannot help those who cannot (or are not ready to) help themselves.

There is one thing I do know for certain, and it is this: I get by with a little help from my friends. (I wish this person would too).

I protest!

Kind of. Not really. But I do vehemently disagree with a point Kristen made in her last blog: If you're married, engaged, have a girlfriend, dating someone, sleeping with someone, "talking" to someone, or still in love with another woman.. you are not 100% single.

The last part is what I don't agree with, the "still in love with another woman" part. I consider myself to be 100% single at the moment. In fact, right now I'm as unattached as I ever am. But I fully admit that part of me is still in love with my ex. From literally the first date, it was the most impassioned, intense, devoted, loving relationship I've been a part of, by far. A guy like me just doesn't get over that sort of relationship. That is, I won't get over it until the next amazing relationship comes along. I know that my ex will hold a piece of my heart until I develop that sort of loving, passionate relationship with another. That is simply the only way it will happen for a guy like me. I live my life for THAT relationship with those emotions, feelings, mutual devotion, and love.

However, don't think for a second that I'm hung up on my ex and not able to give myself fully to another girl. I am 100% ready, willing, able, and eager to present my heart up on a silver platter for someone very special. She just has to present herself as well.

Perhaps I'm just a different kind of guy. In fact, I know I'm a different kind of guy, as I get told that rather often by those women who get to know me and what I'm all about. This is yet another example of how there really is no roadmap to follow in love and relationships. You can form as many opinions and "know" as many facts as you want, but in reality every situation is different. There is very little black and white; just a large sea of gray that you have to navigate your own way, the best you can.

Enough philosophy. So, illustrious followers of this blog (all four of you)... What do you think?

I'll Be Your Wifey

Newsflash, gentlemen: I am a Mrs., not a mistress.

I have zero interest in men who are not 100% single and (sorry daddy's) without kiddos. If you're married, engaged, have a girlfriend, dating someone, sleeping with someone, "talking" to someone, or still in love with another woman.. you are not 100% single and I literally have no interest in you beyond being your friend.
(Which, side note, I am super good at because 98% of my man friends are not single and this is getting borderline absurd.)

I bring this up for a handful of reasons, not all of which I'm comfortable with sharing, but I will indulge you with the latest. I was out this weekend with a group of friends, two couples and the brother of one of the guys. Said brother is engaged to an apparently evil woman who is hated by all, loved by none. As the only single girl around, I was basically the bait, being tossed at the brother in an attempt to lure him away from this evil woman. Okay, I know most of this was all in fun and I can totally go along with it, BUT I am not a home wrecker. I think it goes without saying, but I will say it anyway, no luring occurred. I might flirt, but I flirt with everyone. Literally. Everyone. Women, men, young, old. That's just my nature. (maybe that's the issue..)

What bothers me a little bit here is that this clearly is not the first time something along these lines has taken place.

So it kind of gets me to thinking, am I being viewed in a negative way that I really, truly, most definitely do NOT want to be viewed? If so, why? What vibes am I giving off? How are people perceiving me? How are men perceiving me? I know that I am wife material (my future hubs is going to be so lucky!), so where is this getting lost in translation?

I'm not offended, yet. But I'm starting to get worried that I've taken on the motto "I'm a Mrs., not a mistress".. uhhh.